Tis The Season

I love Christmas. I love when the weather starts getting bitter cold. I love when the stores get crazy busy. I love all of the holiday parties.

"The Reason for the Season"

We hear it all the time, and everyone knows why we celebrate Christmas. Whether you believe in Him or not, you know that we are celebrating Jesus' birth, and you probably participate in Christmas whether you care about his sacrifices or not.

As a parent this year, Christmas means more to me than it ever has. This year, as I look into the beautiful blue eyes of my sweet daughter, I wonder how God could have done it? How could He have sent His son to Earth? He left an amazing place, got sent to Earth where he was made fun of, not taken seriously, taken advantage of, and ultimately killed for being perfect.

I used to wonder why God sent his son to Earth rather than going himself. I am sure the angels could handle heaven while He was gone, and He could leave Jesus in charge. Why wouldn't He go himself though? Isn't it a bit selfish to send someone else to save us?

It isn't selfish though. As I have just figured out, there would be no greater sacrifice than sending His son. I can think of nothing worse than sending my child to be ridiculed and then killed. I am crying just thinking of it. Jesus was on this Earth, not only as a human, but also as a perfect God. As a man who was tempted, but never sinned, and yet he was put on that cross to die because we aren't perfect!

As this Christmas creeps up on me I find myself so very thankful for the sacrifices made for us. Not just the sacrifice of Jesus, who left a perfect place for a place that would treat Him less than human, but for God, as a parent, who sent his son here to die. We know that Jesus wept. I wonder if God cried looking down at his perfect son being treated so terribly, and knowing that He would soon be put to a very painful death. I wonder if He could feel the pain as Jesus was about to go to the cross and asked His father if there was any other way to save us. As Jesus hung from the cross and prayed for the people encouraging His murder, I wonder if God felt proud of His son.

I pray this season, that we can all see less of the stress of buying gifts and organizing family events, and more of the perfect gift that we have been given. I pray that on Christmas morning, before opening gifts and visiting family, that we can understand the sacrifice that both Jesus and His father made for us, so that when we die we can be in Heaven.

Almost 7 weeks old!

Time has flown by! Kris will be 7 weeks old on Sunday. She is so much fun. She has colic, and we think it ended it's ugly peak about a week ago. She is a lot happier now, and her crying sessions are a lot shorter.

I am infatuated with this girl. I love when she giggles at me or makes sweet cooing noises. She loves to be naked and does most of her smiling when the diaper is off.

Speaking of diapers, we love love love cloth diapers! Don't believe anybody who says they are gross or too hard. They are so easy, and we don't have any issues with them. Plus, they are super cute! Kris is quite the diaper diva. Anytime they are wet at all she lets us know! I think she will be very easy to potty train because of that.

We are so excited about Christmas this year. It will be so fun being able to have a child now during the holidays. She won't really enjoy it this year, but we will enjoy getting pictures of her and making lasting memories with her.

Kris got to meet her great great grandmother this week. That was a lot of fun. I am so thankful that Kris has such an awesome extended family. She has two sets of grandparents, 4 sets of great grandparents, and a great great grandma. She has met all of them except for one set of great grandparents. It has been so neat seeing her with everybody. I love having a baby to pass around at holidays. She is my version of spreading holiday cheer :) 

We are going to attempt round two of photos tomorrow. Round one did not go well. She is a happier baby now though, so maybe she will tolerate me putting her in a basket under the tree ;)

Wish us luck!

Kris' Tongue

Warning: This post talks about breastfeeding. I am going to use words like "nipple" and "breast". If you can't handle it, I suggest you come back later :) Also, it is really long. So you may have to come back later to finish reading it.

"Look Mom! I can stick my tongue out now!"

 Charissa is my Lactation Consultant. We met at a program called Celebrate Recovery. I work in the nursery, and Charissa has an adorable 2 year old that I watch. When we first met, it was a casual, "Yeah, she had a dirty diaper that I changed about 10 minutes ago". Then it migrated to me asking about her cloth diapers, because I had become infatuated with them. Then I learned she was an LC at the hospital I would be delivering at, and I think this is what brought us really close together. I asked her a million questions about breastfeeding, and she had so much knowledge on the subject! She had total faith that I would be able to breastfeed no problem. I truly think that God brought us together before I had Kris so that she could help me so much. Now, I don't know what I would do without her or her family. We have quickly become amazing friends. She is a huge part of this story, and I owe every bit of breastfeeding success to her.


Before Kris was even in my belly, I knew I wanted to breastfeed. I soaked up all the information I could about it. I learned that a big help in successful breastfeeding early in a baby's life is to have an unmedicated birth. I did a lot of research on the effects of epidurals, and other pain killers, and ultimately decided that if at all possible, I would have an unmedicated birth. It was a great decision, and I would do it again for many reasons.

Minutes after Kris was born I was able to breastfeed her. It was an amazing moment. She latched right on without any issues, and it felt amazing. I can't explain the feeling I had. I was the only person who could provide for my daughter in this way. She was looking up at me with those beautiful blue eyes and I was so thankful for this moment God had given me. Without this moment, I don't know that I would have been able to continue breastfeeding through all of the hard days to come.

Kris did great through the first night, but the next day things started getting different. She wouldn't easily take the breast, and when she did she would immediately back off of it and scream. I thought maybe I wasn't producing colostrum. This continued through the day. When Charissa came to see if I needed help, I shook it off. I told her she did great at first, we just needed practice. I don't know why I told her this. I knew that there was a problem, I guess I just didn't want to admit it. I am not normally a proud person, but I think it was pride that didn't let her help me.

That night was awful. Kris screamed constantly and every time we tried to nurse, she did this frantic head shake thing. She wouldn't even try to latch on. I would force my nipple into her mouth and she would try for a second to suck and then pull it out and scream some more.

I texted Charissa the next morning and asked if she would help with the latch. I thought maybe that was the only problem.

When Charissa came in the next morning we were trying everything to get Kris to eat. When she would latch, she would make this loud clicking sound with her tongue. This sound happened the first time she nursed also, but I thought it was normal. Apparently it is not. She wouldn't feed for very long and came off the breast screaming again. Charissa spent hours in my room trying to make it work. We tried a nipple shield, and she wouldn't even suck on that. It was a nightmare.

Charissa suggested I try pumping. I pumped for a long time and was only able to get a couple drops of colostrum out. So it seemed there were two issues, I didn't really have a supply, and Kris couldn't latch. After unsuccessfully trying for so long, Kris was a mess. She was so upset from all the shots and monitoring that day, she wasn't even trying to latch anymore. We laid skin to skin for a couple of hours while she slept.

I cried a lot. I knew Kris wasn't eating, but did not want to give her formula. At this point though, what other option did I have? The baby had to eat! Charissa encouraged me to keep trying and we would get this figured out.

When we got home, Charissa suggested I pump and feed Kris with a syringe. My supply came in kind of late. I think Charissa was worried that it wouldn't come in at all, but she never told me that. We would try at the breast for a while, and then syringe feed her, and then try the breast again. Charissa was at our house nearly everyday trying to help us get her fed. 

Charissa told us about this Craniosacral therapy that we could try. A woman would come to our house and give a little baby massage. So we called the woman. At this point we were willing to try anything-even if it did sound a little hokey. The woman came, and Charissa joined us to see how it all worked. After the woman massaged Kris a bit, she was screaming so we tried to nurse her. It was already a huge improvement. She latched on and tried really hard to nurse. She was still clicking pretty bad, but she was latched on. After she calmed down some, the woman, Nikki, massaged her some more. After she was done, Kris nursed really well for one session, and then digressed again. She wouldn't latch anymore, and there was no way she would be getting enough nutrition if we only gave her the breast, so back to the syringe we went.

I can't remember if it was the day after Nikki, came over or two days later, but Charissa sent me a text to have me call her. I called her and she very excitedly told me she thinks Kris is tongue tied. The reason we couldn't detect it sooner is because it was posterior. She told me a bunch of the symptoms to watch for, and it described Kris perfectly-tires easily at the breast, loud clicking, and acting frantic (among other things). She had already made us an appointment with an amazing ORL to have it checked out and possibly clipped. If the tongue tie was bad enough, it sometimes required a general anesthesia and a stitch. Though this was scary to me, I was so excited to finally know what the problem was. If tongue tie goes undiagnosed, it can lead to speech and eating problems later in life.

So on November 1st, Charissa, Greg and I went to the ORL, and she was right, Kris was tongue tied. The doctor said it was pretty tight. Greg held her while he cut it and she bled for a bit and I tried to nurse her. Sometimes baby will latch right on with no problems after the procedure is done, so I had high expectations.

She didn't latch right on though. When she finally did latch, it was better, but it wasn't this miraculous thing I was expecting. I left with not very high hopes.

When we got home, Charissa stayed for a bit to see if we could try nursing again. Still nothing was really working. She suggested we try the nipple shield again and then all of a sudden it worked. Kris was latching on great. When she sucked she was still clicking, but I was finally nursing my baby! I was really nursing her. The proof was in the milk dribbling down her chin.

Recovery was a little rough. She was still definitely in pain. We could tell the tongue was hurting her the first couple of days because she was still refusing to move it most of the time. She would try the nipple and then scream. So we were still syringe feeding her, but giving her the breast as much as we could. 

She drooled while she was sleeping because it hurt :(

Fast forward to now. We are still using the nipple shield, and I worry that we will never be able to wean her from it. She still won't take the nipple at all. She is still clicking a lot. She is a much happier baby now that she is getting nutrition though. She has started to smile and coo. It is so fun to hear those sweet sounds coming from her.

Look at those bright blue eyes. She looks so happy!

We are so thankful for Charissa and for all that she did for us. She spent so much time with us. If it weren't for her, we would definitely have formula fed Kris, which, as it turns out probably wouldn't have worked either. She couldn't suck at all, not just from the nipple, but a bottle probably wouldn't have worked either. I am so thankful that God puts people in our lives at the right moments. He knew how giving Charissa would be of her time. It was so awesome to constantly have an on call Lactation Consultant. She never once got frustrated, and worked so hard to help Kris get better.

I wanted to write a detailed story about everything that I remember from one of the happiest days of my life so I don't forget anything. Be prepared for a lengthy, scatter brained post. This is mostly for my benefit, and so that I can share it with Kris when she is older.

October 21st, 2012

At 6a.m. I woke up with a very painful contraction. I knew immediately that today was the day I would meet my little girl. I waited 2 more contractions before waking up my husband. I wanted to make sure that it wasn't just a fluke. When I woke Greg up he very excitedly started to get the bags in the car while I tried everything to make the contractions more comfortable. When I started to time them, they were 4-7 minutes apart.

At 9:30 a.m. we decided to go to the hospital. Contractions were getting much stronger. We loaded up in the car and headed east on the interstate towards OU Children's hospital. The car ride was incredibly uncomfortable. The car seat was behind the passenger seat, so I couldn't lean my seat back. I remember hating so much that I was so scrunched up. I felt like if I was able to stretch out more the contractions would hurt less.

When we arrived at the hospital we headed to Women's Triage. We had made this trip a week prior on a false alarm, so we knew the drill. This time was different though. I couldn't walk or talk through contractions. We had to stop several times on the way to check in. Greg was an amazing support. He kept asking what he could do for me and held me through each contraction.

When we got to the check in counter they got us back to a room very quickly and checked me. I was dilated to a 3! I know that isn't a big indicator of anything, but just three days prior I was only at a 1. I labored in the triage room for quite a while because the hospital was incredibly busy. I found out later that there had been 94 births in 72 hours. My daughter will share her birthday with a lot of other people!

My mother quickly joined us in the triage room, followed not long after by my sister. The room was a very small hospital room with a bed, a couple chairs, and monitors. I wanted to labor in a tub, but knew that I couldn't do that until we got into the Labor and Delivery room. While I waited, I sat in a round chair next to the bed. I leaned over with each contraction as Greg rubbed my back.

My sister meeting Kris

The room I was in was hot! They said something about the air not working in half of the rooms. My mother got a fan from the nurse, and that was a lifesaver. There is nothing like being hot while in labor. Mum was an amazing support and I am so thankful I had her in the room with me. My sister mostly sat back and offered little suggestions like "get her a paper towel" after I had thrown up. At one point, before mum got the fan, she was using a bag to try to fan me off.

My mum meeting Kris

They had a hard time finding a vein to put the IV in me. They had to dig once they got the needle in, and even then had to poke me twice, but right after that, the nurse came to check me, It had only been 2 hours and I was already at a 5! I got super excited because those contractions were actually doing something!

Shortly after that next check, we were moved to the labor and delivery room. This room was huge, and had lots of seating, so I am sure my mum and sister were much more comfortable. As they were getting me hooked up to be monitored, the nurse noticed that there weren't any mobile monitoring devices like I was expecting. I really wanted to be mobile during labor, but being hooked up to these machines left me a very small space to be able to move in. I did get an exercise ball that I sat on the majority of the labor though.

Once I got into Labor and Delivery, my contractions seemed to be a lot worse. They didn't seem to stop. I was incredibly disheartened when the nurse checked me, and I was still at a 5. I broke down. It felt like those contractions that I had been having were doing absolutely nothing for me.

My daddy meeting Kris

The next time I was checked, I was at a 7. I was finally on the homestretch! Contractions were getting more painful now, and even closer together. They were overlapping. I kept saying that it wasn't fair that I couldn't even have a breath before the pain started again. The doctor broke my water and it was even worse. I was laboring on the bed at this point. I looked at Greg and in a very serious voice said "I can't do this anymore-just get the knife." I was of course joking. I had come this far, there is no way I would give up yet.

My husband (Greg) and Kris

I had my mother on one side of me, and Greg on the other. I would try to stay concentrated through contractions. I would stare at a mark on the wall and concentrate on it really hard. I used a verse several times through the entire labor, I kept saying "I can do anything through He who gives me strength". I was so thankful that God was giving me strength to have this baby. I was so thankful to be having this baby-but my goodness! That pain was unimaginable.

When the doctor came in to see if I could push, I was told we would try it. She said to tuck my chin in and push as hard as I can with each contraction. I could feel the baby moving down. Greg had one of my legs, and the nurse had the other. Greg was so encouraging. His smile was so big when the doctor told me that she could see my baby's head. At this point I looked at the doctor and said, "Let's do this!" I remember the doctor laughing, but I meant business! A couple contractions later Greg exclaimed that he could see the head so I asked the doctor if I could feel it. She let me, and it was amazing. That was my baby girl! Not long after, my precious angel was placed on my tummy while nurses tried to suction her out.

She wasn't crying.

Through my happy tears I all of a sudden felt terror. Kris was quickly taken away from me to a spot in the room where I couldn't see her. Greg was standing with the nurses that were all huddled around her. I waited desperately for a sound from my baby. What seemed like forever was probably only a couple of minutes. I did finally get to hear Kris cry. It was the most amazing sound ever.

They brought her back to me and wiped her off as I held my perfect baby girl. She was beautiful. I held her tight and was so in awe of how amazing she was.

Greg took this photo right after they put Kris on me after getting her to breathe.

I didn't even realize he had a camera!  

Labor was nearly exactly 12 hours long. That is really short for a first time mom, and honestly, it seemed like 6 hours total to me-maybe because I had good company. She was born at 6:04 on October 21, 2012. She was exactly one week late. Kris weighed a whopping 9 pounds, 6 ounces and was 20.5 inches tall. That was exactly the weight and height of my little brother at birth.

My little brother Shawn. He was quite smitten.

I was told later that she came out with an arm over her head. That girl knows how to make an entrance :)

I am so thankful that I don't feel robbed of my birthing experience. Everything was great. My main things that I did not want were an epidural and pitocin. I didn't want pitocin because I didn't think I could have it without an epidural. I have heard that pitocin makes labor even worse! I didn't need pitocin, and therefore was able to have my unmedicated childbirth. It was an amazing experience that I will definitely do again. I was able to walk around immediately after I got cleaned up.

 Greg's sister, mother, and Greg for our first photo with them.

Though Kris was a breastfeeding champ immediately after having her, we soon found out that she wasn't able to breastfeed. In a following post, I will share the story of how we are finally able to breastfeed Kris thanks to an amazing friend.

40 Weeks, 1 Day

I am officially past my due date.

I have been having mild contractions. They are extremely regular, at 3 minutes apart nearly on the dot. They last about a minute each, but aren't painful at all. Greg and I went to church Sunday morning and people kept telling us that we needed to go to the hospital, that some people never have painful contractions. So we went in and I am dilating, but not very fast. The nurse seemed to think that I am in early labor, but this could last a week. She told me to go home and rest, so instead we went to the mall and walked as much as possible, then went home and I sat on my exercise ball while eating spicy food, and drinking red raspberry leaf tea.
I am incredibly impatient waiting for this baby to arrive. We thought that she would be early, but she is so comfortable right now it seems she will never come out! I know that she will come out when she is ready, but I am so ready! I want to cuddle her and give her kisses!

We took this picture right before we left for the hospital, I had hoped it would be the last belly shot, but it looks like I will be this big for a bit longer.

How far along? In my 41st week.

Stretch marks? yep

Sleep: It is really difficult to sleep through contractions that are 3 minutes apart. However, I have been pretty lucky with sleep up to this point.. 
Best moment this week: Greg's birthday was Friday and we had a lot of fun celebrating.  
Miss Anything? Caffeine in general. 
Movement: She really seems to hate contractions. She moves a lot right now.

Food cravings: Still no cravings.   
Anything making you queasy or sick: Still sick from everything, but there is an end in sight.      
Gender: Girl

Labor Signs: Real contractions.
Symptoms: Definitely waddling rather than walking now!
Belly Button in or out? Outie.
Wedding rings on or off? Off. I can't wait for them to be back on.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Very happy!

Looking forward to: Having this baby any day now. Desperately hoping I won't have to write another of these posts!  

38 Weeks, 2 Days

She is very comfortable in my belly! I keep joking with Greg that she will be late. The doctor thought that we would already have her, but she seems perfectly content staying where she is.

We officially are done with Kris' room. We found a really awesome dresser, well, by we I mean Greg. I told him I was too stressed to look any longer so I asked him if he would find one, and I swear not two minutes later he found the perfect one. We went to get it in Norman, and it was in perfect shape! There was seriously not a scratch on it. It is fifteen years old, but looked brand new. So we Greg and the nice man loaded it into my father in law's truck and we left. As we were leaving, the dresser fell over in the bed of the truck and got a decent sized dent in the front and on the top. So now it has character! :)

I will be posting photos of the complete nursery very soon. I am so happy with the way it turned out. It is just beautiful and exactly what I envisioned. I really wanted it to be classy and not cheesy, girly, but not whimsical. I think we did a good job with the design.

To help give her a little push to come soon, I have been doing all of the 'natural' induction strategies. She won't come until she is ready, so I am just hoping these things will help her to feel a little more ready. I have been eating pineapple and walking quite a bit. Other than severe braxton hicks contractions which I have been having for a while, there have been no signs of her coming out anytime soon. I want to hold her so much! I think of cuddling with her while reading a book and it just makes me smile so much. I can't wait to smell her and give her kisses.

My next blog post is probably going to be pretty in depth. I will have photos of her nursery and a lot of the items in it. I want to show off some of the awesome things we have received from friends and family, and also some crafty things that Greg and I did to make the nursery even more perfect.

But for now, on to the regular update:

How far along? In my 39th week.

Stretch marks? yep

Sleep: Not getting much these days. My mind won't shut off, and my dreams have been crazy. 
Best moment this week: We had "Be The Church" on Sunday. It is a day when our church went out to the community to help rather than doing regular scheduled worship. It is amazing what gifts God has given us to use. I am so impressed with the turnout and all that the church was able to accomplish.  
Miss Anything? Pumpkin Spice Cappuccino is out right now and I can't have any yet :( 
Movement: She is moving a lot, but not as strong. I think she is stretching a lot in there.

Food cravings: Still no cravings.   
Anything making you queasy or sick: everything lately, I am still very sick      
Gender: Girl

Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks.
Symptoms: Being sick, looking huge, ya know, the usual.
Belly Button in or out? Outie.
Wedding rings on or off? Off. After the fair I got really swollen from petting the horses. I knew I was allergic to horses, but had never had a reaction like this. The swelling went down some after some allergy medicine, but hasn't gone away entirely yet. The rings fit, just not comfortably.
Happy or Moody most of the time: So happy!

Looking forward to: The three day weekend!  :)  

Full Term!!

I am 37 weeks and 3 days!

Last week I was having a lot of strong contractions. The doctor hooked me up to some monitors and confirmed that I was not quite in labor, but that it could be soon. What does soon mean? That's what I asked! His answer was a shoulder shrug and, "Soon." Well thanks a lot... That doesn't help at all ;)

I am definitely ready to have this baby. Though I love being pregnant, I also hate it. I am uncomfortable and sick, but I really love the attachment I have to her, and I think I will miss it when I am no longer pregnant.

The nursery is done(ish). We were able to buy an awesome glider that I think brings the room together so nicely. We are still missing a dresser. We have been checking thrift stores daily and haven't found one yet. We aren't even that picky! It has to be changing table height and cheap. It doesn't matter the condition. The nursery looks amazing though. I am so impressed with how it turned out, and I am loving sitting in the glider and just staring at the room.

Baby seems to be measuring right on time now, and so am I. Everyone keeps saying how big I look, but I think it is because I am short, and baby is all up front! I haven't really gained any weight, so I am all belly right now!

How far along? In my 38th week.

Stretch marks? yep

Sleep: what's that? It is definitely difficult to get sleep with this uncomfortable body. 
Best moment this week: Last week work threw an awesome baby shower. We were given so many great gifts.  
Miss Anything? Dr. Pepper. I am not even a regular Dr Pepper drinker, but I have been really wanting some lately. 
Movement: Still moving a lot, but not as strong as before.

Food cravings: No real cravings, though pumpkin anything always sounds good.   
Anything making you queasy or sick: Still sick all the time      
Gender: Girl (hopefully, I keep having dreams it is a boy and the nursery is definitely not prepared for a boy!)
Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks.
Symptoms: Heartburn.
Belly Button in or out? It is definitely an outie.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Very happy and loving this time in our lives

Looking forward to: Having this baby! It could be any day now :)  

36 Weeks

I am 35 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Today is September 14th, and I am due October 14th. That means exactly one month until Kris' due date!

Kris is measuring nearly two weeks ahead of schedule, and because of infertility treatments, we know her exact due date. This terrifies me! It could mean that she either comes early, or that she is a large baby. I was 10lbs 7oz at birth, so there is a good chance I will give birth to a chunky monkey.

I wanted to share a quick cell phone photo of her nursery. This tree was hand painted by Greg, and his sister and I helped a bit. I am incredibly pleased with the way it turned out.

The blanket on her crib is one that was handmade by a sweet lady at church. It is beautiful and has so much love in it.

Her nursery is almost complete, we need two more things: a glider, and a dresser. We have been hunting for a dresser for a long time. We want one that is long and about changing table height. It doesn't matter the condition because we will be painting it. We have been going to thrift stores everywhere for the past couple of months. A friend found one that was perfect for us, but when we went to get it, it had already been sold :(

Once we get the dresser in there, I will take better photos and share them with you here. I can't wait. The nursery has turned out perfectly. It is even better than I could have imagined it to be. We have had some very generous family and friends help us with filling it. This baby girl is loved more than she knows. 

Weekly update:

How far along? 36 Weeks
Stretch marks? Yes, all around my belly button. Not too upset about them though-it's just a part of pregnancy

Sleep: Sleep is definitely getting harder. I can't seem to shut my mind off in the evenings. 
Best moment this week: It has rained a lot the last couple of days and it is starting to feel like fall. It is terrific.  
Miss Anything? Coffee. With this fall weather I want to sit on my porch with my coffee. I could drink decaf, but it seems a waste to buy a canister of it now, this close to being able to drink it again.  
Movement: It has definitely slowed down. It had me worried, even though I knew to expect it. She has been quite the active baby this entire time, then all of a sudden it is slow and not as much.

Food cravings: Appetite seems to have faded, and still no cravings.   
Anything making you queasy or sick: I had a very sick last couple of weeks. I thought it was getting better, but now I am nearly back to how bad it was first trimester. It is difficult to even keep water down      
Gender: Girl
Labor Signs: Lots of Braxton Hicks.
Symptoms: Heartburn and fatigue.
Belly Button in or out? I am going to go ahead and call it an outie, though Greg calls it a flattie. It is more out than in.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Incredibly happy. I will have a baby to hold very soon
Looking forward to: The fair! I am getting to go next Tuesday. Greg fought me a lot because he is worried it will induce labor, but we agreed to go and take it easy :) I can't wait, our last time to go to the fair as a family of two!

34 Weeks

I  missed the update last week. So now I am at 33 Weeks and 5 Days.

I am feeling a lot better this week. I am still sick, but not even close to what it was! I can definitely get through the next 6 weeks feeling like this. The uncomfortable parts of pregnancy have definitely hit me these last couple of weeks though. I thought I had to pee a lot before-I was wrong. This is a lot! Sometimes it is literally every 10 minutes! I am having back aches and I feel SO lopsided when I walk. I have definitely got the waddle down. All of this is not as bad as being as sick as I was though, so I feel like pregnancy is a bit of a breeze right now!

Yesterday I had a checkup and Greg was not able to get out of work to go with me. This isn't too big of a deal, the checkups are short and very routine, so I have been to several by myself. With him working two jobs, it is hard for him to get out of both of them for an appointment. I decided to call my mum to see if she wanted to go with me. I knew the appointment wouldn't be very exciting, but she is one of my best friends, and I enjoy the time with her. Also, I knew she would get to hear Kris' heartbeat. It was just a coincidence that it was her birthday! It was a lot of fun, and I teared up thinking about the significance of her getting to hear her first grandchild's heartbeat. It was a really fun experience, and I love sharing it with my mother who has been through all of the highs and lows of pregnancy several times. I think she is just as excited about this baby as Greg and I are, which makes time with her even more fun. I love that when we are just  having a normal conversation she puts her hands on my tummy while we talk :).

Okay, weekly update-
How far along? 34 Weeks
Stretch marks? I do have some. It's funny though, they don't bother me as much as I thought they would.  
Sleep: I am always scared to answer this question. I am still sleeping pretty well. I am hoping that will last the entire next 6 weeks, but I won't count on it. 
Best moment this week: Spending time with my mum yesterday.  
Miss Anything? Running. I haven't been able to run in a few weeks because my belly just makes everything uncomfortable! It used to be my stress reliever, and now, at the most stressful time in my life, I can't run!  
Movement: She is quite the mover still. The doctor can't ever get a good reading of her heartbeat because she kicks the wand.
Food cravings: No cravings, however I have gotten a huge appetite lately! That is new this week for me and I am not a fan.   
Anything making you queasy or sick: Still sick in the evenings and in the mornings. If I let myself get hungry at all I get sick, and if I don't take my meds. But, it is a lot better this week.      
Gender: Girl
Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks Contractions.
Symptoms: Heartburn and peeing a lot.
Belly Button in or out? It goes in and out, depending on where baby is.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Just ecstatic. This is an amazing time in my life.
Looking forward to: Three day weekend! Work is getting harder and harder as I get closer to my due date. This is a much needed break. 

32 Weeks

31 weeks and 5 days. I am almost finished with my 32nd week! That means not much time left!

I had a routine doctor's appointment this morning. Everything checked out great, and I am measuring exactly on track (take that everyone who says I am huge-my belly is perfect ;P).

We had our baby shower last weekend. I thought it went great. My friend hosted it and did such a good job. I felt so showered with love, advice, and gifts. This baby has enough bows and and outfits to get her through college! She is a very loved girl. It was great getting to see family that I don't get to see often.

This week I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I have so much to do to prepare for her arrival. She doesn't have a car seat yet! I know that we still have time, but I feel like these last few weeks have gone by so fast, what if the next few follow suit? There was also a lot of stress at work this week. It was difficult for me to come into work with a smile today. I am hoping the stress will dwindle, but I have a feeling that may take a while. Yesterday was incredibly stressful and baby wasn't moving much. I kept trying to poke at her and drink orange juice to make her move. When I got home I told Greg that I needed to lie down to see if I could get her to move and he put his hand on my belly and said, "Hey baby, I love you!" and she began moving immediately! All day I was worried about her, but she will move for her daddy? I can't believe she is already a daddy's girl!

Weekly update for our little daddy's girl:
How far along? 32 Weeks
Stretch marks? I have a few, but won't complain too much.
Sleep: With the stress this week, my mind can't stop moving long enough for me to sleep.
Best moment this week: The baby shower for sure. Kris is surrounded by people who love her even before she is born!
Miss Anything? Red Bull  
Movement: It has slowed down some this week. I think she is running out of room. Her kicks don't have as much power.
Food cravings: I haven't had any cravings, but fruits and veggies always sound great.   
Anything making you queasy or sick: yep. Everything!  ;)     
Gender: Girl
Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks Contractions.
Symptoms: Heartburn and exhaustion.
Belly Button in or out? Still flat. I can tell when baby is near it because it will poke out a bit.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: So incredibly happy!
Looking forward to: Finishing with organization of the nursery. I need an experienced mother to help me know where to put everything. I am lost!

31 Weeks

30 Weeks and 4 days. That means on Sunday I will officially be 8 months pregnant! Only two months left! That is crazy!

I keep joking with Greg that we have a beautiful nursery for her to come home to, but we can't take her home because we don't even have a car seat yet! That is supposed to be like the first thing you get for your baby :)

Last week I thought my morning sickness was over. I was feeling better, and not throwing up nearly as much, but this week it has been back with a vengeance. Some days it is just as bad as it was first trimester. Though I do really love being pregnant, and feeling her move, I won't be too sad when I am not pregnant any longer. This has been really hard on my body. Throwing up is never fun, but when you are throwing up several times a day along with other pregnancy symptoms, it is enough to make you go crazy.

This week was a roller coaster of ups and downs. Last week my best friend's brother in law passed away. He was only 33 years old and left behind a young son and a very pregnant wife. It has upset me beyond words. I can't imagine being alone in this journey, and she lost her support so suddenly. Caleb was a fun guy. He was always cracking jokes, I think he could make anyone laugh. There are many people who will miss him and though we have to get past the heartache, I don't think we can ever really move on from it. His wife, Amber, will be in my prayers forever, as well as his son and unborn daughter. She will never get to meet her father.

This has made me cherish what I have so much more. It could all be gone in the blink of an eye. Caleb died unexpectedly. In one night, Amber's entire world has changed. I can't imagine the pain she must be feeling. So hug those around you a little tighter today. Remember that we are not promised tomorrow.

I am so thankful to get to share this journey with Greg. So, on to the regular pregnancy update:

How far along? 31 Weeks
Stretch marks? They are there, but I have seen worse ones. I just hope they don't get any worse.
Sleep: If we can get the house cool enough with this heat I actually sleep well so far.
Best moment this week: Going to dinner to celebrate our anniversary on Saturday. I so enjoy getting date nights with Greg.
Miss Anything? Being able to bend over, and then stand straight again ;)   
Movement: She is still quite the mover! She gets shy when some people touch her, but with her daddy and her grandma, she moves even more.   
Food cravings: No real cravings, but I always want raw fruits and veggies.   
Anything making you queasy or sick: being pregnant ;)     
Gender: Girl
Labor Signs: Still some Braxton Hicks, but nothing too serious.
Symptoms: heartburn.
Belly Button in or out? that stubborn thing just won't stick out yet! .
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: So happy!
Looking forward to: Baby shower Saturday! My friend has done such a great job planning it! I think we will have a lot of fun. 

Life

We had our lives all planned out:

We got married young and we planned on trying to have kids pretty quickly after we got married. As you know, we had problems with that.

Our dream has always been to be full time missionaries. Greg worked really hard in college to learn Spanish so that we could make that dream a reality. Here we are, still in the states. So far we still have no open doors for our mission work.

Greg found a really awesome job that is very difficult to get. He started the process and we are still waiting on the next steps.

Greg started the process to be an Oklahoma City Police Officer to help as a stepping stone to get us some missionary work. We have been working on that process since basically December only to be turned down today, 8 months later. He has turned down other job opportunities and put everything on hold so that he could have this job, and apparently it was for nothing.

My heart is feeling really heavy right now. Greg is incredibly brilliant! He has a degree from a great college, he is fluent in two languages, and he is so passionate about life. I have never met anyone more hardworking than him. He deeply cares about his family and about people in general.

We want the best for our children. We want to be able to raise them in a loving environment, where they learn a lot and get the most out of life. To do that, we have decided it would be best for me to stay at home. I could be a stay at home mom while Greg works to provide for us. Now, this isn't looking like a possibility.

It is incredibly difficult knowing exactly what we want from life and getting none of it. We have all these huge plans, and we know that some of them are ridiculous, and maybe completely irrational, but it would be nice if something would fall into place for us.

Yes, we have a beautiful baby girl on the way, but now how are we going to give her the best life possible? How can we provide for her both emotionally and physically? It seems we can only do one at a time.

I desperately try to wait patiently for God. I need to be confident that he has a plan for us, but it is becoming so difficult. At what point do you completely stop trying to make things work your way and give it to God? I feel like if we don't put any effort in, than we will have no options. God doesn't exactly work that way-things don't typically just fall in your lap. What are we doing wrong? Greg has been so great about pursuing anything that looked promising, even if it wasn't what he wanted. He is working 2 jobs right now completely unrelated to his degree.

I want to say that I am not complaining. We are 22 years old, we own a house, a nice car, and we can currently support Kris financially. God has blessed us in numerous ways.  This just isn't where we thought we'd be by the time she got here. Rather than questions being answered, we are more confused than ever. Doors just keep shutting in our faces with the supposed open doors hiding somewhere.

I am not asking for pity, or even really advice. Just prayers. Please pray for our patience through this. Pray for open doors and for our hearts to be open to change. Pray that we can give up all plans to walk with the Lord and that we can see a purpose for where we are in life right now, and where we will be in the coming months. I am terrified of what the future holds.

30 Weeks Update

29 Weeks, 4 days pregnant.
Only 73 more days! That doesn't sound like very many days to me at all!

This last week was awesome. We are finished painting the nursery and it looks amazing! I can't wait to show it off. Watch for pictures in about 2 weeks. We want to put everything together before showing it off. Greg and his little sister, Katie, did most of the hard work with the painting. I was able to contribute some. It took about a day and a half to finish entirely with the three of us painting. I keep peeking in the room to look at it. This little girl is already so spoiled :)

As you know, we celebrated our 3 year anniversary yesterday. It doesn't seem like a big anniversary, but for us it was. It was our last anniversary with just the two of us. That is both exciting and terrifying! He got me some really beautiful flowers that were delivered to my work. They made the girls in the teller line jealous, I think that was what he was trying to accomplish ;)

Weekly Questions:
How far along? 30 Weeks
Stretch marks? I don't want to talk about it :(
Sleep: I have been lucky enough so far to be sleeping fairly well.
Best moment this week: Painting the nursery. It looks even better than I had pictured it.
Miss Anything? My toes. Where have they gone?  
Movement: She doesn't kick as hard right now, I think she is running out of room, but she moves a lot.   
Food cravings: None this week.   
Anything making you queasy or sick: everything! ;)    
Gender: Girl
Labor Signs: BH contractions
Symptoms: heartburn.
Belly Button in or out? getting closer and closer to an outie.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: incredibly happy
Looking forward to: Greg and I have our first birthing class tonight! I can't wait to learn about how labor might go.