Those 'helpful' little words

Once, at church, a woman told me that infertile couples are infertile because they have sexual infidelity in their relationship. When she told me this, I didn't know what to say. I mean, I knew it wasn't true, but was she just trying to be nasty, or did she think that would help?
There are a lot of things that people just generally say to women struggling with infertility, some of them are helpful, and encouraging, some are painful and discouraging.

 "Stop stressing and it will happen!"
I am positive this one is meant to be loving. When people say this they are trying to encourage you to "Let go and let God". It goes right along with the "My aunt couldn't have kids, so she adopted, and got pregnant right away" line. The problem with this is that it does cause pain. I hate hearing that the reason I can't have a baby is my fault. It may be true, it may be my fault, but I would like to sit in my happy bubble and imagine that it is something entirely health related that I can not control.

 "If it is meant to happen, it will happen"
I have found many differing views on this one. I, being a believer in things happening for a reason, love it. If it isn't meant to happen, it won't. However, that doesn't mean that I am not going to try everything in my power to make it happen. I think people understand that though, and I don't find this line in any way negative or offensive.

"You're still too young to have children! Wait it out a bit, enjoy life"
While I am sure that I will find this great advice in hindsight, my husband and I have made the choice to try to have children. We feel that we are ready. We are at a great time in our lives, and we want to share the joy with children. I am under no illusion that it will be easy, or even always fun. I understand that being responsible for others' lives will be stressful at times. I am willing, and excited to make that sacrifice.

"Well, we are praying for you"
This one is my favorite. I know that without God's blessing, I will not be pregnant. The reason I finally stopped keeping my infertility a secret was because I knew that the more prayer warriors I had out there praying for me, the more secure I would feel, and the more likely the prayers would 'do their job'.

I don't think that anybody actually means to be negative about infertility. I am sure that even the woman at church thought that what she was saying was helpful. I wrote this in hopes that before you say anything to that infertile couple in your life, you think about what would be comforting for you to hear if you were put in this unfortunate situation.