Secret Sisters

In our women's group at church, we have started a secret sister program. It is not a typical secret sister's program where there are gifts involved, it is simply for encouragement. We are supposed to send our sister letters of encouragement at least once a month.

We were given 'about you' forms to fill out when we started this. The forms asked us several things, like favorite color, song, etc. Then it asked us more intimate things like current prayer needs, ongoing prayers and people we ask that others would pray for.

I have an awesome secret sister. I have no idea who she is! My first card was on my chair at church and when I open it, it reads,

"It can happen any moment,

it can happen anywhere-

We don't know it,

but somebody

is remembering us in prayer."

It made me tear up. I love this. It is so personal to my life, and what is going on right now. I feel like my secret sister knows me, and knows the things that are in my heart, and the things that I need to be told. I can't wait to find out who sent me this... I need to hug her. 

I have said before that the reason I have started to tell people about my infertility is so that others can also pray for me. I felt like I was so alone in the process. My husband was here, just as emotional, and just as involved as I was, but together, we would fall apart if we kept it in. When we started to tell people we were met with an overwhelming amount of support. I have felt more uplifted lately. I am not as stressed, and my heart feels happy again.

I feel hopeful.

That is important to me. We have said before, that if by June I am not pregnant, we will start looking into fostering children. This never really hit me until after I began asking for prayers. This option is a very awesome one to have. If God doesn't place a child in me, then we can save a child from a life of abuse or neglect. We have a lot of love to give, and it doesn't matter if the child is from me, we will be able to show love equally to any child.

It is funny how we make plans for oursleves. We don't always make plans according to God's will. We often times don't even pray about the plans we make before heading at a fast pace towards our goals. So why do we do this? Why do we make our own plans when we know that if it is not God's will, it isn't the right path for our lives? I don't think that any Christian would claim to know more than the creator of our universe, but our actions would show otherwise.

So yes, I want to be pregnant. I want to feel my child, that my husband and I created with love inside of me, I want the intimate time of breast feeding, and I want a child to look like my precious husband. However, if it doesn't happen, I know that God has bigger plans for me. This is not to say that I won't do everything in my power to have my own child-I will. I will use the technology available to me to hopefully create a child, but if it doesn't happen, I know that I am meant for something different, something bigger because my God knows me by name and hears my prayers. He knows my needs, my wants, and what is best for me. So I will take comfort in the Lord.