While I'm Waiting

I have never been a very patient person.

When Greg and I were trying to conceive, I would feel so desperate as I sat waiting for God to bless us with a child. I felt like Greg and I were ready, that we were just waiting on God. Why wasn't He ready to give us a child? Weren't we fit to be parents?

There is a song by John Waller called "While I'm Waiting". Every time I hear it I feel convicted. Here are the lyrics:

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

While we were waiting on God, I wasn't patient at all! I was impatient! I wasn't living my life as I should. I was living in resentment and honestly just feeling sorry for myself.

The one thing a woman should be able to do, I couldn't do. I couldn't make babies. Isn't that what women are on this Earth for? Isn't that our main purpose?

When I finally gave everything to God, when I finally said that I will serve Him while I wait, I got pregnant. Now, I do give a lot of credit to my doctor, and to clomid, but I wouldn't have been able to become pregnant if God didn't want me to. I had a moment of conviction in November, in January I was still worshipping God while I waited. I was determined to let God have all of me, not just the pieces I was okay with giving him. In January, our little miracle baby was conceived.

There is a reason God kept this child from us for so long. I don't know what it is, but it honestly doesn't matter. I don't have to know God's plan to be able to submit to it. I don't have to direct my own life when I have the creator of the universe to direct it for me. My God has provided for me for 22 years and counting, why do I still struggle to just let him have all of me?

My dream for this child is that she will be patient like her father and be able to love God and submit to him with ease. I want to teach her that looking to Him is always the right answer.